Change of life: Stronger

I have been thinking about myself lately
I’ve been thinking and thinking about stuff
Thinking about me, friends, family, school, and my career
What I want out of this life and the year 2014
Naively, I never knew what I wanted and needed to be the woman
The independent lady, a girl I once was and used to be…
I was a tough girl that no one punks around
I was a strong girl who never love any creature deeply,
With all of her soul, heart and everything she got
But now, I am all of that girl.
I love hard, fall on my face, get beaten emotionally
Until I’m weak and can’t get back up
I fight for those I love and care about but sometimes I feel like am doing too much.
So today I’ve thought about a lot of things & I miss some part of the old me
That girl who used to be so strong, brave and hopeful and never shed a tear. That girl who’s only weapon was the Bible.
But you know what, things are about to change, life is about to move forward instead of the reversal
My life is flowing down by temptations, betrayals, liars, and thieves
And tonight I was in the shower when my heart was touched, when I realized what life is all about
I realized what I’m supposed to do to be that successful, beautiful and loving woman in the upcoming year.
But I’ve not once this week, this month, this year done anything to be that strong independent girl I was
Starting from tonight and this minute, I’m ready to move on, be strong, treat myself right, love myself more and put myself first!
Everyone else that I put before me didn’t appreciated this girl. well not exactly everyone; there are a few who cherished my love and kindness.
From now on am done with the fakes, the exes, the two faces. I’m moving on to better things and be a better person. I’m just saying “I can do better.”
I’m going to make life proud and make some good things out of it.
I’m going to work harder and work toward my future.
So am sorry to those who I won’t talk to anymore. “A hi and how are you is all am going to offer some of y’all. Happy new year and be blessed!

P.S
FutureActress 🙂

Advertisements

DEAR OLD ME

Dear old me, you are so good, even though you are too crazy, somehow frisky and sometimes unpredictable. You are a very good person and a great friend and you’re worth being called somebody’s sister and much more. The first time I met you, I thought you were extremely innocent, smart, intelligent, and hardworking and any other words I could use to describe you.

 

If I am not mistaking, I believe you are a very friendly and outgoing person based on how you carry yourself around others and how you talk to people. If I am not also misunderstood, you are very good at meeting new people and making new friends and also keeping the old ones. I studied you all your life and as a result, I found out a lot of info about you: when you were in high school, you met a lot of new people, befriended them, accepted some as your best friends and picked the closest ones to keep with you. So I have a question for you; can I tell you what happened in the year 2011 and where you are now in life? Of course you want me to. At the beginning of year 2011, you still have your five friends from high school; ya’ll were cool, fine and shared almost everything.

 

You were friends with all, close to some, closer to few but considered every one of them as your sisters. Summer came, fall stepped up, and winter ended and spring began. So spring, 2011 is when everything got destroyed. Which means laughter started and ended and guess what took place next, yeah no need to tell you because it would be rewriting your own history…uhmm what a coincidence; trust me I am not a stalker if that’s what you are thinking right now reading this. I just know that you aren’t friends with some of those besties, sisters anymore huh. HAHAHAHAHA LMAO LOL. I know this is not a laughing matter but please excuse me why I laugh in your freaking face LOLJ. Do you remember back in high school? If you did listen then I guess you do remember some important advice from your two favorite teachers and your college guide. Remember this: “College is the place where life really begin and also the place you actually learn who your real friends are.” Does this sound familiar? Yeah of course it does! Well this is the time. Anyways back to the STORY. Ya’ll went from being best friends, besties, sisters to being strangers huh…yup..L. I know I feel your pain and I know most of the time you feel unappreciated, you do so much to stay committed to ya’ll relationship but none of them try to do the same besides awaiting you to turn around, so they can stab you in the back because that’s where their hands and mouth can reach. They did stab your back thought but I know it hurts your heart instead L unbelievable isn’t it. Just when you thought everything would forever go right with you guys; three to eight years’ worth of friendship. Work hard all that time to make it happen but only took fourteen days to be destroyed. WOW. Well I guess the reasons weren’t good enough for the destruction of ya’ll friendship. I was not there to witness everything that had happened but I did experience all that had happened…WEIRD… Oh well…you had so many friends, but then they all

 

Left you AM I RIGHT?? They vanished in need of time. But let me tell you something. They taught you a very big life lesson so you can

 

realize something. They have taught you to look

 

Forward and realize what’s good, bad or worse. And when you fine the good ones and lucky to have them, hold on Tight to them.  From now on I learn my lesson, the lessons that took me so many years to learn. From the day I was back stabbed and bled in the heart; with tears flowing down my eyes because it hurt so bad :L. but it’s life. Sometimes people lose things because there’s a better one on the way. Maybe God used them to let me realize how beautiful and special the other friends are. Letting people in your life and loving them as your own and letting go of them is part of life obstacles.

 

But you know what’s funny; after all, they wanna be friends. Look at their faces; smiling and giggling; calling me to join into their dance. Oh how my face looks really calm right now but actually on my mind, I’ve already held up a knife and stabbed each one of them for ten times.  I am very disappointed in people nowadays. I thought I could trust people with everything I have including my life, but it seem like a bad idea after all. They tore me apart with my trust, loyalty and honesty. (J). like Monica say, “Whatever don’t kill you makes you stronger. And I guess she’s right because I am the stronger young lady ever made. I went through a lot hardship, disappointments, obstacles in my life but am still here, living my life along with the few people who love, cherish and value my trust and honesty. Despite the heart breaks, anger, anxiety, and tears caused by all of these people, I am still strong, ready to live for the next day and fulfill my future promises. From now on, it’s all about ME. MYSELF, AND I…oh wait. I mean me and my main squeeze: my real girls, my ride or dies. I am just going to be faithful and loyal to those who deserve and earn it. Well since they decided to talk to me out of nowhere, I am not going to be the bitch and the troublemaker or grudge bearer because that’s just being childish. I forgive every one of them. But it’s all going to be about smiling and moving on. I am feeling special and lucky to have the one and only person who I am proud and grateful to call my best friend, sister and the one I can trust my life with. Once again, I am always and forever going to be here to support and share everything I have with her. If I don’t have anything which she asks for, I will go looking for it; she deserves my loyalty, honesty, love and my all. And for the rest of the girls, they will always be here with me, always gonna be my friends. As for the rest, oh well I have forgiven them but things will never be the same again unfortunately L!

 

Dear Old Me, I want you to grow into a beautiful, smart and wise lady. don’t ever regret anything that goes wrong or anything you lose in life because it’s what it’s

 

Only God knows why bad things happen to us, so praise the lord, thank him and smileJ because tomorrow is going to be a better day. Dear old you, I wish you all the best in life. Good luck with everything! Peace!